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Choosing By Heart

ChatGPT Image 2026年3月22日 下午07_52_50.png

CHOOSING BY HEAET

A Novel by May Chan Contemporary Women's Fiction 83,000 words · Complete manuscript Currently seeking representation

Two men. Two cities.
One woman who couldn't choose — so she let the message decide.

Si Chen returns to Hong Kong after two years abroad carrying jet lag, a mystery teenager she calls her son, and a love she never quite let go of.

Yu Hao is in Shanghai. Kaiwen is closer than he should be. And Si Yuan — bright, reckless, seventeen — has opinions about all of it.

Set across Hong Kong, T City, Shanghai, and Rome, Choosing by Heart is a warmhearted story about the choices we defer, the people who wait anyway, and the family we build from the wreckage of almost.

Chapter 1 – Going in Circles

Chek Lap Kok Airport, Hong Kong

Winter sunlight poured through the towering glass panels, casting dappled light across the cold floor. Suitcases trundled in slow, endless loops along the conveyor belts, their dull rumble swallowed by the vastness of the terminal.

Time drifted quietly here, in an airport that never slept.

Si Chen stood alone at her carousel, gaze vacant, her suitcase had gone around more times than she could say before she finally lifted it free. She stayed there anyway, fingers wrapped tight around the handle, feet refusing to move.

The train to A City? Or the ferry to T City?

In each city, one of the two men who mattered most to her waited.

Life was like this luggage on the circling belt, she thought. If you never reached out and claimed what was yours, it would just keep circling—round and round, never arriving anywhere. The weight of that thought pressed down on her chest. Every choice branched into a hundred possibilities, a hundred unknowns she couldn't see past.

If the choice would not come to her, she would hand it to someone else.

Her thumb hovered over the screen. She drew a slow breath, then sent the same message to both of them:

I've landed in Hong Kong.

The replies came back almost instantly, one after the other.

I'm in Shanghai for work.

I'll come meet you at the pier.

Si Chen stared at the screen for a moment, then let out a quiet, wry smile. It was like thrashing in deep water for so long that when a life ring finally landed beside you, it didn't matter who had thrown it. You just grabbed on.

She typed back quickly:

Don't. Don't let me see you at the pier.

Then she picked up her suitcase and walked toward the exit without looking back.

 

The first chill of early winter swept in from Victoria Harbour, carrying with it the faint, briny scent of the sea.

Dusk was settling in. The neon signs flickered to life one by one—dazzling, and somehow, faintly lonesome.

Si Chen made her way slowly along the Avenue of Stars, her heavy suitcase trailing behind her. Their relationship these past two years had been just like that suitcase: too much effort to drag along, too much to simply abandon.

Her eyes drifted across the harbour to the Ferris wheel, its lights turning in their slow, patient arc. She stopped, watching its endless cycle—rising and falling, only to return again, over and over.

But the ferry ticket was already in her hand. Whatever lay ahead, there was no turning back now.

She took a long breath, tightened her grip on the handle, and stepped forward, heavy, but resolute, into the crowd boarding the ferry.

 

On the ferry, she took a window seat and looked back at the glittering lights of Central. Her gaze shifted, settling on the Ferris wheel as it turned beneath the harbour lights. Like time itself, it moved in endless circles—carrying her back, over and over, to a past that would never return to her.

There had been a time when they'd sat on this same ferry together, their hands linked, talking about everything they were going to do and become. They'd pointed at the towers lining the harbour and told each other that someday, they'd work inside one of them.

Do you know why the harbour lights are so bright? she had asked him once.

He hadn't answered right away. He'd just looked out at all that light.

Because behind every single one of those windows, she'd said with a laugh, there's someone pulling an all-nighter.

They smiled at each other. Back then, they had believed it: work hard enough, and everything else would follow.

Time, in the end, changes everything.

Two years ago, one argument—the only real one they'd ever had—and neither of them would give an inch. They'd faced each other like strangers. Since that night, the cracks had spread in silence, etching themselves into their hearts.

 

T City

The crystal chandelier in the entryway glowed warm and bright, as though welcoming its mistress home.

She hadn't stepped through this door in over a year. Si Chen paused for a second, trying to remember which way the key turned. Her fluffy slippers had been left on the rack beside the door, set out neatly, just where she liked them. She hadn't even finished stepping out of her shoes before she called out:

"Si Yuan! I'm starving!"

"On it!"

A tall, bright-eyed boy leaned out from the kitchen doorway, the corner of his mouth already lifted in a grin. He gave her an OK sign and ducked back inside.

"Fish ball noodles. Ten minutes. Go wash your hands."

The broth in the bowl was something she would never have touched before. But after more than a year of bland Western food, her standards had hit a new low—and somehow, sitting down to this simple, steaming bowl felt like coming home all over again.

Si Yuan cooked the way he did everything: too much of it. The portion was easily twice what she'd normally eat. By the time she was done, she was so full it put her in a mood, and her mouth couldn't help but grumble.

"Two months apart," she muttered, watching him scroll on his phone, "and I still can't compete with that thing? Don't you miss me at all?"

"Nobody interesting. Just killing time." He typed something, hit send, and then—without warning—launched himself at her, landing softly against her shoulder like the world's most affectionate golden retriever.

"I've missed you like crazy, my dear Si Chen. Give me a kiss. Or better yet, stay in my room tonight."

Her heart gave a small jolt. She shoved him off and bolted for her bedroom, pausing in the doorway to strike a coy pose and blow him a kiss.

"The holidays stretch long ahead of us," she said, affecting a lofty tone. " No need to rush."

Si Yuan glanced at his buzzing phone, a slow, wicked smile spreading across his face. He typed a few words, then switched the phone off entirely. Then he wandered out to the balcony, stretched his arms wide, and breathed in the sharp winter air.

The stars were faint tonight. The moon was full and bright.

Tomorrow would be a fine day.

 

Shanghai, Lujiazui

Outside the hotel conference room, the century-old facades of the Bund and the soaring glass towers of Pudong reflected each other across the river, both blazing under the night lights—a dreamlike blaze of prosperity.

A man stood at the floor-to-ceiling window, suit immaculate, expression unreadable.

The view didn't register.

His phone buzzed. He opened it in an instant, jaw tightening as he read, his grip on the phone tightening involuntarily.

He didn't know how long he stood there before a voice broke through.

"Mr. Yu, they're wrapping up inside."

"I know."

"You barely touched dinner. I could set something aside—"

"No need."

The impatience in his voice was unmistakable, cutting off whatever came next. He turned, crossed the room, and pushed through the glass door to the terrace.

Outside, the cold hit him immediately—the raw, bone-deep cold of a Shanghai winter, brutal against the warmth and lingering fragrance he'd just left behind. The lights of the Bund stretched on, indifferent and magnificent. Only the wind seemed capable of clearing his head, of steadying him for the negotiations ahead.

He opened his phone again. Read those few lines that still carried their warmth one more time, something complicated moving across his face.

Made it home.

Good. Let her eat, rest. She needs to get over the time difference.

Done eating. Even burned incense to the ancestors.

Make sure she sleeps well.

Oh, she'll sleep well—with me.

Don't you dare.

The wind off the terrace sharpened. Yu Hao didn’t move. Not even an inch.

Chapter 2 – Old Friends

On the top floor of T City's oldest five-star hotel, the dim sum restaurant was packed as always.

Si Chen had her heart set on a window table, even if it meant waiting over an hour. Si Yuan couldn't fathom why, so she handed him her credit card and sent him off to the mall next door. With those long-craved traditional dim sum so close, she felt the occasion deserved a few photos for her social feed.

The window looked out over the old iron lift-bridge, still operational after all these years A few hawkers gathered at its foot, selling roasted sweet potatoes and small trinkets. But with malls multiplying across the city and online shopping pulling customers away from the old quarter, only the occasional out-of-town visitor still came by for a photo op.

A hundred-year-old pedestrian street. A sixty-year-old bridge. A hotel that had been standing for over forty years.

And the two of them, together for ten years, if you counted from the day they'd first met by that bridge.

It had been an early summer evening, the after-work crowd streaming past in a hurry. Everyone was rushing—except him. By the time Si Chen ran breathlessly to the bridge, Yu Hao was already there, a few flyers in hand, clearly having been there for quite some time.

He had looked almost surprised to see her. It had only been an offhand matchmaking attempt by her store manager, after all.

"Yu Hao, you don't have a girlfriend yet, do you? Si Chen's a lovely girl, why not get to know each other?"

"Yu Hao's hardworking and reliable, always on time with deliveries, never complains about lugging heavy stock around."

"Si Chen's a good girl—bright and pretty!"

"She's off at six. Why don't you two meet at the bridge at half past?"

They only understood later why both had shown up: neither of them could bring themselves to break a promise.

They crossed the bridge together and wandered the bustling pedestrian street, Eason Chan's Ten Years—the same song, it seemed, from every open doorway

Now, a decade later, Si Chen sat by that glass window at the top of the hotel, gazing down at the bridge and the street below, both quieter than they used to be.

She thought: if ten years ago, neither of them had shown up…

She would never have known him.

And he would never have been hers.

What stranger would she be standing beside instead?

So what about the next ten years?

Would they end up strangers?

 

"Chen!"

She looked up, startled. The man before her spoke with unhurried composure, a handsome face, a faint smile at the corners of his lips. His well-cut suit had already drawn a few glances from nearby tables.

"Kaiwen? …Small world."

"I had a client staying here, my driver just took him back. I came up hoping to grab a bite, but it looks like…quite the wait."

"It is…"

"Mind if I join you?"

Before she could weigh her answer, Kaiwen had already settled into the seat across from her with easy confidence, idly toying with the cutlery in front of him, and refilled her teacup without missing a beat.

What could she say, really?

"Of course not,"she said, suppressing that small flicker of unease. She offered a smile. "It really has been a long time, hasn't it."

Yes. Far too long.

She reached for the cup of fragrant chrysanthemum pu'er tea, but the freshly poured tea was still too hot to touch.

This composed, polished man was nothing like the boy she remembered. Time might not change a person entirely, she thought, but it had a way of softening old feelings—leaving him feeling at once familiar and like a stranger she was meeting for the first time.

Words were slow in coming. Fortunately, the first round of dim sum arrived just then, filling the silence. It was Kaiwen who finally spoke.

"Sunny mentioned she ran into you in A City, a couple of years back. And Ms Daisy's coming back to Yinghua next Saturday, she specifically asked to see that troublemaker she used to teach."

The name moved Si Chen deeply. Ms Daisy, the American teacher who had loved her and wanted to pull her hair out in equal measure. The memory that stood out most was the day the woman had finally run out of patience and, through gritted teeth, managed only: "Chen, you are a real troublemaker!"

And her younger self had just spread her hands, the picture of unbothered innocence: what could you possibly do about it?

Looking back now, she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks.

"I really was insufferable back then," she said quietly, almost to herself.

Kaiwen held her gaze for a long moment, something unreadable moving behind his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was gentle.

"She'll be thrilled to see you. She always said the naughty ones were the sharp ones."

A small smile found its way to her lips. Across the table sat the boy who had been her partner in every scheme and misdemeanour she could remember—and just like that, she was back in it: being sentenced to the school library in third grade, pilfering food at the charity fair, fabricating arguments at the debate competition, engineering a "minor" disaster in science class. Kaiwen had been there for all of it.

Those years had gone so fast. And they had been so good.

"What's your number these days?"

He picked up his phone, his gaze not leaving her face—steady, deliberate, the kind of look that left her no room to refuse. She gave in and read out the digits in a low voice. Her phone buzzed on the table almost immediately. Kaiwen picked it up without hesitation, his fingers moving with the ease of someone who knew exactly what he was doing. A few seconds later, a new contact had appeared in her address book.

What she couldn't work out was how he knew her passcode was 123456, though she'd never bothered to change it—laziness, mostly.

The whole thing had happened so smoothly she hadn't even thought to object. By the time she caught up, his expression settled into something more serious.

"How have you been?"

The question came too quickly. She wasn't quite ready for it.

"Fine… I've been abroad a lot these past two years."

"Wasn't your dream to see the world without spending a dime?"

"The dream was perfect. The jet lag, absolutely brutal."

Kaiwen laughed—a real one, caught off guard. Same sharp wit, same quick tongue. If anything, time had only refined her looks, adding a quiet maturity to her features. The loose curls, the bright eyes, a new kind of ease in the way she carried herself. And she hadn't changed where it counted: if there was something she didn't want to talk about, she could talk circles around you until you forgot you'd ever asked.

This time, he wasn't going to let it slide. He hadn't come here for pleasantries. There was a wall of unspoken things between them, and today he was going to break through it.

"Are you actually doing well?"

Five words. They landed squarely on her chest, heavy as stone.

She met his eyes for a moment, then looked away. She lifted her tea, cooled by now, and took a small, careful sip, but couldn't quite bring herself to look back up.

"Mum, I'm back!"

Si Yuan came bounding in, flushed and grinning, a brand-new DSLR camera tucked under his arm. To Si Chen, he was nothing short of a lifesaver. Then her eyes landed on the camera, and her relief curdled instantly—there went this month's credit card bill.

Across the table, the change in Kaiwen was immediate. He went rigid, the colour shifting in his face. He was on his feet in an instant, stare locked on Si Yuan, jaw tight.

"Chen?"

No time to think. Just act.

"This… this is my son.  Si Yuan."

She smoothed her hair back and willed herself into some semblance of calm.

"Si Yuan, this is an old classmate of mine, Su Kaiwen."

"Hi, Uncle Kaiwen!"

Kaiwen didn't stay much longer. He made some vague excuse and left.

He'd got what he came for. Pushing further would only close a door he'd spent years trying to reopen—he understood that clearly enough.

But the questions gnawed at him. Sunny had passed along her number ages ago; every WeChat request he'd sent had disappeared without a trace. It was only this morning, when Sunny had forwarded a photo from her social feed, that he'd been able to track her down. If he'd missed today, she might have vanished completely. Just like she had at that trade fair in Guangzhou five years ago, when she'd given him a work number, exchanged a few polite words, and then quietly disappeared from the company not long after.

Ten years ago, how could he have been so foolish? Letting her drift away, handing her over to someone else without a fight. If he could go back, he would never have let his family pack him off abroad. He would never have lost his grip on things.

The hesitation and quiet sadness he'd caught in her eyes—however well she'd tried to hide it—had told him everything he needed to know: she wasn't as fine as she was letting on.

And that boy—that roguish-looking teenager—who on earth was he?

Her son. Please. She wasn't even thirty. Where would a teenager have come from? He wasn't buying it for a second.

 

Meanwhile—

"What took you so long?"

"What, did I ruin the mood?"

"…Seems like it."

Si Yuan watched his mother brush him off, her attention already zeroing in on the still-steaming basket of har gow that had just landed on the table. He could only shake his head, half amused and half exasperated.

The truth was, he'd been back for a while. He'd spotted that "uncle" hovering nearby, watching her from a distance with the look of someone working up the nerve—standing there, quietly, for longer than was strictly dignified, before finally making his move.

A shot like that? No way he was missing it. He'd raised the brand-new camera, found the shot, and pressed the shutter. That telephoto lens had just paid for itself.

And as for today's performance as the perfectly timed, scene-stealing third wheel—

He'd absolutely nailed it. 

Surely that earned him something.

Chapter 3 – Reunion

If not for Si Yuan's constant needling, Si Chen would never have come here.

It had started casually enough, him mentioning, with studied innocence, that a certain someone was so hard up he'd been wearing socks with holes in them. Then came the pointed look, and the firm reminder that this, apparently, fell squarely within her area of responsibility. When she thought about it, he had a point.  It really had been a long time since she'd sorted out his wardrobe. Since dropping things off at his place directly was out of the question, the next best option was his office.

"Hi there, I have a delivery for Mr Yu Hao, clothes he ordered from our store. Could you make sure he gets these?"

She'd been navigating tricky situations like this for years—it was practically second nature. Mask up, parcel handed over, a flight-attendant smile fixed in place—bright, professional, and designed to close conversations. She was almost out the door.

Then she spotted Xiao Yang through the glass—a woman jabbing a folder in her direction, laying into her with the kind of sharpness that only came with years of practice.

Three things registered, almost simultaneously.

One: that was her person. She wouldn't dream of speaking to her like that herself—so no one else had the right to either.

Two: that woman's delivery was crisp and pointed, delivered with a performer's conviction, the kind of authority that takes years to build. You didn't get that sharp without practice.

Three: the rest of the office had gone completely still. Every face wore the look of someone walking on eggshells—and Si Chen felt a small, unexpected pang of sympathy.

Then came the parting shot, dropped with the casual authority of someone who'd already decided the matter: "From now on, anything for Mr Yu goes through me first."

Si Chen's brow lifted. A slow, cool smile crossed her face.

Big talk.

She exhaled through her nose, turned, and walked away.

 

In the lift, she typed a message to Xiao Yang: "12 p.m., coffee shop downstairs."

By the time they sat down, Xiao Yang's eyes were already threatening to spill over.

"Chen…"

There it was—she'd been wronged. Badly. She didn't need to ask. The words came tumbling out, weeks' worth of it, all at once.

"That woman… the marketing manager, barely been here a year, came over from Shanghai with Mr Yu… she's good at her job, I'll give her that, but she walks around like she owns the place. I'd just come back from maternity leave, was doing my reports the same as always, and suddenly every single document for Mr Yu has to go through her so-called 'review' first…"

Si Chen listened, already sorting through the key points in her head.

Li Xiaoyang. Her most dependable right hand, back in the day—thorough, steady, the kind of person who never made enemies on purpose. By the time Si Chen left four years ago, Xiao Yang could have run the foreign trade operation in her sleep. Three years ago, it was Si Chen who had personally placed Xiao Yang with Yu Hao, steering her into a finance role.

"There's one more thing, Chen." Xiao Yang dropped her voice, choosing her words carefully. "I think… she has feelings for Mr Yu."

Si Chen's expression didn't flicker. The corner of her mouth lifted, barely. 

"I know."

That answer—and the complete absence of alarm behind it—was enough to put Xiao Yang at ease. Anything less would have been an insult to the years they'd stood shoulder to shoulder. It was the kind of calm that only came from knowing exactly where you stood.

Si Chen smiled and steered things where she needed them to go.

"So—what's the general verdict on the boss's lady?"

"Mr Yu is extremely self-disciplined and never lets anything about his personal life slip, nobody knows anything, really. Most people know he has a teenage son; Si Yuan's been interning here over the holidays. He doesn't go out much after work, just goes straight home. There was one time, though—the cashier Ms Weng forgot to get his signature for payroll and went to his apartment. She said a woman answered the door. Mid-forties, she guessed. Looked like she was from the countryside, plainly dressed, no education to speak of, no sense of style. That's all it took for the rumours to start."

"Perfect."

She had everything she needed.

Si Chen slid a bag of baby products and supplements across the table, steering the conversation toward the baby. Of course, it didn't work.

"Chen… if there's anything else you want to know—"

"There is. Your work email. Login and password."

 

Soon afterward, Si Chen turned the key in the familiar lock and exhaled slowly.

The moment the door swung open, something she hadn't expected hit her all at once—and something between amusement and resignation crossed her face. Everything was exactly as she'd left it. The same layout, the same palette, the same Eiffel Tower print leaning against the wall at its usual angle—not a degree off.

She couldn't help a wry smile. Two years ago she might have called this tasteful. Now, standing in it again, all that black and white and grey just felt tired now, worn out.

Why was she even here? Just for a few clothes, perfume, and facial cleanser? She couldn't entirely explain it, even to herself.

The shelves were bare. A handful of shirts hung in the wardrobe, almost startlingly sparse.

In the corner, a bottle of perfume was nearly empty. He'd never been one for wearing it; she used to leave the cap off and tuck it into the wardrobe so the scent would work its way into his clothes. He'd never said a word against it.

The bathroom was immaculate. She noticed the cleanser—the one Si Yuan had brought back from Europe last year. It had been watered down; he'd been stretching it out. No wonder Si Yuan had specifically asked her to bring a new one.

Had time really carried them this far, this quietly?

She dropped onto the sofa, staring at the grey walls, an itch she couldn't name, a need to do something—anything.

This place needed something fresh.

Three hours later, she was back from IKEA, replacing the old pieces one by one,  cushion covers, throws, small ornaments, until the whole space felt different.

She stopped at the Eiffel Tower print. By rights, Van Gogh's Almond Blossom would have broken through all that oppressive black and white far better, the blues and whites would work beautifully with everything she'd just brought in.

The housekeeper arrived mid-transformation, took one look at the sea of blue-green, and her face fell immediately. Had Mr Yu approved any of this? Especially the painting, he'd left very specific instructions about keeping it at exactly that angle.

That painting. She had set it down against the wall by accident, years ago, hadn't even got around to hanging it. And he'd been maintaining its exact position ever since, as if it were a sacred relic?

The man's compulsions were truly beyond saving.

But if he wanted to make that his problem, fine. If it didn't make sense, she wasn't going to try.

The light was fading. Her eyelids were getting heavy. He was away all week—which meant the bed was entirely hers.

 

When the lights came on, Yu Hao stopped short in the doorway.

For a moment, he was convinced he had the wrong door.

The whole space had been rearranged—colour where there had only been monochrome, softness where everything had once been stark. Only the Eiffel Tower print, still leaning where it always had been, told him this was still his home.

She'd been here. It had to be her.

Nobody else could have done this.

He sat down heavily on the sofa, sinking into cushions that were new to him. His eyes moved slowly around the room. Every corner bore her mark. His clients had gone to the trouble of booking him into a hotel by West Lake, thinking the view might help him unwind. And yet here was the only view that actually did anything for him. This was his alone, worth driving back through the night for, no matter the hour.

Work filled his days. This—whatever she'd left behind—was what he came home to at night. It was the only thing that eased the longing he carried with him, endless and unrelenting.

Si Yuan's early Christmas present, the boy had said. He loved it. That boy could come and collect his reward whenever he pleased.

Warmth rose in his chest first, then something heavier, harder to name. She'd come. She'd been here. But was she still angry? The question settled in him and stayed, a tightness with nowhere to go.

He rubbed at the space between his brows, then crossed to the drinks cabinet and poured the last of the plum wine—barely half a glass. The cold came straight at him, and he let it sink deep into his bones, then raised the glass and drank.

 

The clock on her phone read 1:47 a.m., Beijing time.

Si Chen didn't know how long she'd been asleep, or how many times she'd surfaced and gone under again. She just knew she wanted to keep sleeping. Seven hours' time difference—hardly anything—and somehow her body still hadn't sorted itself out.

The sleeping pills were in her bag. She knew that. But getting up felt like an unreasonable amount of effort, and she kept telling herself that if she just lay there a little longer, sleep might come back on its own.

Fine. She was lazy. Too lazy to even fetch a glass of water.

Eventually, she couldn't hold out any longer. She padded barefoot to the kitchen, pulled the water bottle from the fridge, washed the pill down. The cold hit her throat and she shuddered.

She was turning back toward the bedroom when the balcony door swung open.

A rush of freezing air.

She went completely still.

"Yu Si Yuan, you absolute liar!"

Yu Hao was just as caught off guard. But he recovered faster—reaching back to pull the balcony door shut behind him. Then his eyes were on her, scanning her up and down, brow furrowed.

"Why are you dressed like that? Where are your shoes? You'll freeze."

Si Chen had nothing. She lowered her head without a word, and retreated to her corner of the sofa. Yu Hao was already moving—he picked up a jacket from nearby and draped it over her shoulders, and leaned down slightly, his voice lowering.

"What did you just take?"

"Sleeping pills… jet lag still hasn't sorted itself out."

Her voice came out small, like a child who knew she'd done something wrong. He looked at her for a moment—the particular look of someone deciding not to say the obvious thing—then got up and went to the kitchen. He filled a glass with water, put it in the microwave, and brought it back warm. Si Chen wrapped both hands around it and felt the heat work its way through her palms.

"I thought you were away."

"Something came up. Came back early."

Silence settled between them—not uncomfortable, just still.

Her eyes drifted to the wall, to the Almond Blossom print. She thought about his obsession with the Eiffel Tower canvas. A small, smug smile crept onto her lips.

"Not bad, right? I spent half a day on this."

"I love it."

He said it simply, without hesitation, and lowered himself onto the sofa beside her. They both looked at the Eiffel Tower print, still leaning against the wall where it had always been. Neither said anything for a while.

Then he exhaled softly and ran his hand gently over her hair.

"Don't take too many of those pills. Get some sleep."

Before she could respond, he'd already lifted her carefully and carried her back to the bedroom. He set her down, pulled the duvet over her, and folded her against him.

She didn't pull away.

The pills were doing their work. Her eyes fell shut, and she let herself go—breathing him in, that familiar mix of cigarette smoke and wine, and beneath it all, the faint trace of her own perfume lingering on him.

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